Toxic Positivity

Being a positive person and spreading positivity is truly a gift to this world. I try to embody a positive mindset and lifestyle as much as possible. Negative energy is heavy and the further away you get from a negative mindset, negative people, and negativity in general, the better you will feel. Negativity is projection of unresolved emotions and can be a barrier to so many wonderful things in life.

There is a thing called toxic positivity and I think it is worth talking about. It can be done without even knowing. “Toxic positvity is the over-generalization of a happy, optimistic state that results in the denial, minimization, and invalidation of the authentic emotional experience.” Putting that into short-terms- it is truly not validating the emotional experience one is having. When you are sad, it can sometimes help to gain support and know that there is hope AND hearing “it is going to be okay” is so invalidating to the sadness you are feeling in the moment. Toxic positivity can also be a form of gas lighting which is manipulating someone with false information and making them question themselves.

Are you pushing someone’s feelings away on behalf of your own? Are you invalidating someone else’s feelings because you don’t know how to validate? Here are some examples of toxic positivity statements you can minimize and some validating statements you can use instead. Sometimes telling someone it is all going to be okay can be comforting and you might not know what else to say and that is okay! Just be open that validation can be a powerful tool.

Toxic positivity statements:

Just be happy

Don’t be negative

Look on the bright side

You just have to be positive

It will all be okay

Look for the Good

I’m sure its not so bad

You’ll get over it

Think happy thoughts

It could be worse

Validating Statements:

Describe what you are feeling, I am listening

This is really hard, I am thinking of you

I know this is hard

It is okay to feel what you are feeling right now

I am here for you

I am so sorry to see you go through this

I am here through the good and the bad

I am proud of you

You have survived hardships before AND I believe in you

It is okay if you are not feeling the best right now AND I am here

I am here to help and support you

What is your ideal outcome from this?

I understand why you would feel that way

Creating a positive mindset can really help you

You are strong

Life is filled with positive and negative experiences

I understand the negativity you are feeling right now AND remember who you are and how much you’ve overcome

You are allowed to feel how you want AND I lovingly set this boundary against the negativity

Validation does not mean acceptance. Validation does not mean lack of boundaries. Two things at once can be valid. As you can see, I put emphasis on the AND in statements to indicate that both parts of the statement are valid. We all have our truths and our perspectives. We are all on different levels of growth. Validation is extremely powerful for yourself and your relationships. Even when you are apologizing for something you did not intend to do, say being late. Instead of saying I am sorry I am late, you can transition to a more validating way of expressing that by saying, Thank you for waiting. You are expressing gratitude towards the other person and validating yourself.

“Kindness is Free.”